How to Avoid a World Defined by Ability | Identifying everyday ableism
Ableism is a lot more than just ignoring the needs of the disabled. There’s a lot to be unpacked in this world, and a lot that goes under the radar.
Our society continually tells us that life is defined by output. As small children, we are pit up against each other to see who reads first, who walks first, who talks first. In elementary school, our grades separate who is a good student, and who is a bad one. We grow into our roles as ‘productive human’ or ‘un-productive misfit’ and watch how that identity affects a slew of other important decisions that ultimately guide our lives.
According to Atomic Habits by James Clear, the most final stage of a habit is identity. That means that our habits are most strongly solidified in us, for better or for worse, by what we define ourselves by and ultimately by what we have grown up feeling ourselves be perceived as.
A lot of the coaching clients I’ve worked with have been recovering gifted kids or overworking, over-ambitious people who can’t find peace in anything they do. They look at everything like a benchmark to be won, and they find insecurity in staying still. We’ve been shaped for the rat race — our mental health depends on a very specific ladder etched out for us by society.
We no longer feel we have the right to choose and define our own happiness.
Imagine all the people you have admired in your life. I’m hoping that in that group of people, you can think of many who didn’t live a typical life. They didn’t get married in their twenties, they could have had kids, maybe they didn’t. Some of them may be rich, some of them perhaps not. Some of them may have devoted themselves to charity, and some of them may be living in Greece with their dog being beach bodies together.
Happiness comes in many forms, and most often, it lies outside of the ability-based ladder we’ve come to know so well.
Let’s define disability.
When we look at the word, immediately some things come to mind. Wheelchair users, people who need hearing aids, the elderly, people with chronic illnesses — but rarely do we ever think about how poorly put together the group of ‘disabled people’ truly is.
Do you think the needs of a person with reduced hearing is remotely similar to a person living with depression? Or MS? Or perhaps an amputee veteran? Or someone who cannot use verbal speech? and what about more common differences in ability? Should we not consider the needs of people with chronic back pain? Those with iron deficiencies and low energy? Those with sensitive stomachs?
What is a disability?
A disability is something that makes it more difficult to conform and be productive in an ability centred world.
If you have a ‘disability’ like clinical anxiety, depression, ADHD, MS, Lupus, reduced hearing, deafness, or Autism — any of it, I urge you to stop centring your existence around their definition of ability.
Life doesn’t have to be centred on ability. It can be centred around connection or experience. It can be about the small moments. It can be about compassion. Remove yourself from their narrative and break free from the ableism.
“One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It’s simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we’ve been taken. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.”
― Carl Sagan, The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark
When in doubt, ask yourself:
- Where does this insecurity come from?
- What must be true in order for this insecurity to be real?
- Am I projecting based on my values or someone else’s?
- Does this identity serve me?
- When can this framework serve me and when is it hurting me?
Hi! I’m Rae and I help people live purposeful, non-linear lives by overcoming the anxiety and fear imposed by social expectations. Follow me for more mindset shifts and posts about unique opportunities (outside of the grind!).
IG: @raes_tea
https://www.raestea.com
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