Self-care isn't selfish.
disclaimer: the imagination and perspectives of colonialism, capitalism and its values is not limited to any specific country or race.
It's all so heavy. The bottomless pit of exhaustion, the soul-crushing weight of existential dread. The world throws anxieties and expectations your way like confetti at a parade all while your hope for humanity grows thinner by the day. "You are light. The world cannot shake you," some yogini tells you from your phone screen. Naturally, you want to embody that too, but your nervous system won't allow you any peace. You feel unsafe and it is hard to separate what you want from what society wants from you.
You know there is value in you. You know logically you are deserving just as you are and sure as hell don't want capitalism defining you, but something stops you from relaxing into ease and joy every time. Instead of a magnet to your goals and ambitions, every step of the way feels like chewing nails.
The Self-Care Conundrum and the Shame Spiral
Do you ever find yourself stuck in shame spirals? Where everything is overwhelming and nothing seems like the right choice. That's when you open your phone and scroll through to numb the thoughts and whatever it is you feel on your chest. "Just meditate and detach..." they chirp. "Take a bubble bath!" But amidst the chaos, amidst the gnawing feeling that something just isn't right, bubble baths feel like a mockery. Who are we to have it easy while others suffer?
Maybe it's because self-care, as presented by capitalism and colonialism, feels inherently self-centred. After all, we have been taught that goodness needs self-sacrifice, and self-denial. For those of us with enough empathy to care about what happens to others while we build ourselves, "Just be fine and happy with how everything you have and enjoy is complacent to the oppression of the vast majority of this world!" isn't enough to encourage us to calm down, and keep moving. There's a nagging fear that prioritising ourselves somehow means taking away from others, neglecting our responsibilities, or falling further behind.
But what we are missing is what comes next, what caring for ourselves and our small worlds allows us to do.
Hey fren! This page is a mindful exploration of the self, world cultures, philosophies, and ways of knowing to bring about more inspired, sustainable action and development that honours us, our community and environment. I also try to share helpful tools, thought models, opportunities, and methods to get closer to your natural genius (( that’s quite possibly buried under compulsory limiting beliefs, bureaucracy and self-doubt )) Each post is a labour of love ❤️ especially as a chronic illness and neurodivergent creator. Consider a paid subscription to support this publication.
Who Benefits from Our Burnout?
I invite you to consider what actually happens when we fight our own blessings. Who thrives when we drown ourselves in guilt and anxiety? Who benefits when we are unable to realise our personal power? Who profits when we silence our voices before they even have a chance to be heard?
We are living in a world limited by a singular perspective, or how my favourite creator, puts it, "the imagination of the coloniser". Their voices and values are the loudest and they hold the power to shape the world into the way it is now. Suppressing ourselves does their work for them, it keeps the balance unbalanced.
Watch Ayanda’s video on the topic below:
In the eyes of capitalism, loving yourself, chasing your dreams, doing you, is shaped to be only self-serving, but it doesn't have to be. We are a collective of many parts, and for every dream there are people on the other side dreaming you back. There are people waiting to be inspired by you. There are people who are waiting to be fed by you. Those people you serve have their own dreams themselves. When they are fed full of nutrients, love and inspiration will go on to continue the cycle of Karma. The world needs you at your brightest and most loving.
Nurturing Your Light and Allowing Others to Shine
True self-care begins when you start understand both parts of the equation: You deserve health and wealth and others deserve a healthy and wealthy you.
In my last instalment of this publication, I talked about the conflict we feel allowing ease into our lives:
"Deep down, we all crave this kind of magnetism... where existing naturally flows into success. Yet instead of embracing faith and moving with divine intention, we do the opposite and fixate on what we haven't done to "earn" the safety and validation we desire. We seek out situations where we must work hard tooth and nail for happiness and love, forsaking the very essence of what I believe we truly want: unconditional acceptance and to flow with ease, like nature. It is all because we secretly believe that it is sinful to act from deserving."
Rae ✦ The Polyglot Life Coach
Our gifts, our talents, and even our struggles are not burdens to be hidden. They are potent tools, waiting to be used for liberation – first for ourselves, and then for the collective.
I remember how I felt so empowered after listening to Oprah's retort to best selling author Glennon Doyle after humbly minimising her work in an interview,
"We are not meant to play small. Our fear, our self-deprecation, holds not just us back, but everyone around us. When we embrace our full selves, when we dare to shine brightly, we unconsciously give permission for others to do the same."
Here's the liberating truth in all this: embracing your deservingness isn't about entitlement, it's about empowerment. When we take care of ourselves, nurture our talents, and share them authentically with the world, we contribute to a more vibrant and prosperous collective. It's not a selfish act, it's a necessary step in lifting ourselves and others.
Moving Beyond Exhaustion: Finding Sustainable Action
So how do we break free from the cycle of exhaustion and self-doubt? Here are some steps:
- Validate where you are: Don't dismiss your exhaustion or shame. Your ability to move forward doesn't dismiss anything that has kept you down until now.
- Reclaim Your Narrative: Rewrite the script. Self-care isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. Getting enough sleep, setting boundaries, and prioritising mental well-being are crucial for sustainable action.
- Slow down: Allow yourself to slow down and take more time to experiment, feel things out and cry things out. Not every day will be a W, and until you can allow that, you haven't reclaimed your narrative (which is okay, you lovable oaf, try again tomorrow :3)
- Find Your Why: Reconnect with your purpose, your values, and the things that ignite your passion. What kind of world do you want to create?
- Embrace Your Gifts: Do not try to do this blind and alone. Look around you, there will definitely be things in you and in your world that give you an edge or a direction towards your dreams.
- Take Sustainable Action: It's not about becoming what you think you should be, it's about doing things as you are now. You are powerful as you are. What will you do today that reflects the love for yourself and your community?
Some ways you can support my content:
- subscribing to this publication
- sharing with a friend (how sweet of you!)
- commenting your thoughts (how inspiring of you!)
- buying me a coffee (but more likely bubble tea or dianxin)
Wuwei 無為 by Rae Chuck is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
No spam, no sharing to third party. Only you and me.
